Skip to content

wide-open spaces

January 15, 2010

hello blog, it’s me christina….

yes, i know i’ve become a stranger to you. i promise it wasn’t intentional. but then again, i’ve made a lot of broken promises to myself lately. when i started journaling here, i thought of this space as a sanctuary of self-expression, because frankly, keeping all this “self” bottled up is too much for any one heart to handle. writing is the ultimate gift to my soul, because it gives flight to my heart’s whispers and frees the thoughts from the bondage of my mind.

january has crept into my veins with her impassioned eagerness for renovation. until this past year, i’ve always considered myself willing and able to confront the challenges that life presented. on the wings of the recession, flew a little bird and this little bird taught me an invaluable lesson… life can change at a moment’s notice. regardless of how hard we strive to contain our lives within tidy little picket fences… all it takes is one big gust of wind to blow the roof off of our comfort zone and expose us to the chaos of the world around us.

although i have not invited this CHAOS to stay, it has become a permanent fixture in my life… pulling up a big comfy chair and making itself at home. this uninvited guest is making it especially hard to focus on my inner voice, which is so deeply buried beneath the rubble. i’ve tried quieting the voices around me, i’ve tried really listening… gently, patiently, faithfully, to hear my heart’s whispers. but the noise, the chaos and the voices in the periphery… well they make the conversation with my true self so hard to decipher.

i imagine we all come to certain crossroads in our lives… you know that intersection where it’s hard to look back without being deeply saddened by the path in our rearview, but it’s even harder to move forward because we don’t understand how to navigate the twists and turns in the horizon. so what does one do when all that lies before them is wide-open spaces?

i feel the wind of change like a soft breeze on the back of my neck… i know it is coming. i keep looking for answers, thinking that if i have them, i can force the direction of the wind. but the wide-open spaces make my heart palpitate… faster… faster, until i feel like i cannot breathe. i happen to like the picket fence i’ve built around my life.

but this life is bigger than me. as much as i’d like to think i’m the architect of my future, there is only so much i can control and it starts with listening to that inner voice and being the person i’m called to be. all too often, we’re so busy “doing” that we forget about “being”. this has been so true of the last ten years of my life. i’ve been so focused on planning, working, supporting, striving, pushing through the barriers. and yet, i still find myself just wandering through the motions of my life so aimlessly, that it feels as though time is just pouring through a sieve. i’m not living in the moment or focusing on the here and now.

so, with the guidance of my favorite poet (monique duval), i am embarking on a new journey. it begins with a big wide-open space… and a very deep breath

Advertisements
7 Comments leave one →
  1. January 16, 2010 12:41 am

    i love love love!! I just had to quote you on FB! this part really speaks to me …especially to what is going on in my life right now:

    january has crept into my veins with her impassioned eagerness for renovation. until this past year, i’ve always considered myself willing and able to confront the challenges that life presented. on the wings of the recession, flew a little bird and this little bird taught me an invaluable lesson… life can change at a moment’s notice. regardless of how hard we strive to contain our lives within tidy little picket fences… all it takes is one big gust of wind to blow the roof off of our comfort zone and expose us to the chaos of the world around us.

  2. dustjacket attic permalink
    January 16, 2010 5:27 am

    Oh I just love this post….your words and the quote at the end, just so real. The photo’s are so beautiful and simple…..I love.
    xxx

  3. January 16, 2010 8:13 am

    Oh Christina ~ your posts are beautiful everytime you write! I love it!…and that quote oh my goodness. I definitely need to do the same…I don’t always want to be doing either…but being…your words are very true and beautiful. Have a terrific day sweet friend!

  4. January 18, 2010 9:16 am

    such beautiful words Christina. thank you so much. love the quote at the end too. perfect. it was so nice meeting you on Saturday. look forward to seeing you again soon.

  5. January 23, 2010 7:37 pm

    Oh you done good your lovelies are beautiful espeically that chair. When I buy vintage items to revamp and sell I always want to keep them all. There is nothing like a good treasury hunt.

  6. February 2, 2010 1:15 pm

    Oh my, I am so glad that i ventured over here today, as I feel comfortable here on your blog. You have an amazing way with words, and I got lost in this post. I think there are times where we all come to a cross roads and fear the road ahead, I suppose you just have to trust in yourself, that you will make good use out of the wide open spaces, and hope that in those spaces you find a place for yourself. Thank you for this post, it speaks to me on so many different levels….

  7. February 3, 2010 7:35 pm

    oh christina…sigh…you speak to my soul and give me strength…*thank you* for your continued inspiration and reminding me to just be…to breath…and to hold true to myself…
    you are beautiful…

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: